dear upstairs neighbor,

why is it that you insist on blaring adele and taylor swift while you work out on your porch when your girlfriend isn't home?
and when in the hell did it become appropriate to vacuum at 1 in the morning??!!
and who let's their girlfriend's grandson ride his tricycle through the house all hours of the night? don't you know kids have this thing called a bedtime?

i can hear everything, just so you know.
i hear your fights with lisa and i always picture myself starring in some horror film where you kill her in the middle of the night and i'm a witness because you just know that i heard the gunshot... and then you come after me.
i also hear your make up sessions, which are gross.
i shouldn't know your bedroom name.

and what is it you do exactly with all the junk in the back of your truck? one day i come home and you have a moped strapped in... and then there's a note from the trailer park crowd on my door (because they think my apartment is yours) asking how much they can buy it for and leaving a phone number.
sorry you never got that memo btw.
where do you get all that shit anyways? 3-4 mattresses, car parts, kid toys, trash bags filled with who knows what... where does it all go? i feel like one day i'm gonna turn on the tv and BAM there you'll be on your own little episode of hoarders.

the only reason i like your bright yellow truck is because it proves to be my easiest way to tell people where to turn for our apartments. i highly suggest you getting that thing legal though. swapping license plates off your girlfriend's car when you want to drive your truck is kind of not okay.
just sayin'.

oh and one last thing,
and the next time you decide to "flush a wash cloth down the toilet", because that's the excuse you gave our landlord when my ceiling became a waterfall from your said overflow... i'm going to kick your ass. i don't care that you're a large black man in your 40s- i'm gonna do it.
the last thing i need is to wake up to you, naked, in your bathtub, falling through my ceiling because you've ruined the plumbing and structural support holding you up there.
stop it.

sincerely,
fed up.

*sorry for the rant. i'm really not a picky person to live near or with, but this man has pushed me to my limits. he's just ridic.
ever have any of those neighbors?