ethel.

so my friend mary bought our current home a few months back. props to her for being all grown up, i know. little did she know that when she bought said house, she was also buying an awesome new neighbor named ethel.
let's reminisce for a second here though. remember larry? my upstairs neighbor i wrote a lovely little letter to that can be found here. well larry doesn't even measure up to ethel in the slightest bit. this woman is bat shit crazy.

not long after she bought the house, mary got a call from the cops that her dog was loose in the neighborhood and she needed to come home and take care of things. mary doesn't own a dog. ethel had found a stray dog running down the road... put it in her fenced in yard, locked the gate, and even put a trash can in front of it... then called the cops and animal control on her.

then about a month ago we were sitting on the front porch. there were maybe 6 of us sitting around talking. no music, no loud noises, nothing. and ethel calls the cops on us. obviously they couldn't do anything, which i think only made ethel more mad, but whatev. she stood on her porch in her jammers and watched the whole thing go down then proceeded to yell at us from across the road. if that isn't disturbing the peace lady, then i don't know what is!

then sunday after the move and our cookout, we decided to sit around the fire pit in the back yard and play some games.
with that said... there were 5 of us. no alcohol. no music. just 5 people playing a game around a fit pit. that's it.
see... baby fire. nothing to be alarmed of...

we were minding our own business and burning our boxes from the move in the fire... when this happened...

yes, that would be a fire truck. what you don't see are the two police cars, multiple firemen, and about half a dozen first responders. apparently ethel called 911 because we were burning down the neighborhood.
the firemen actually laughed when they got there.
our fire was contained, small, and in a custom built fire pit in the ground. no harm done. of course all the neighbors came outside to see why every county official was in our yard. good way to meet everyone, i guess.

she's going to love us in two weeks when we throw our "welcome to the neighborhood 80's block party". sorry we're not sorry ethel.

in conclusion,
i don't believe i will ever have normal neighbors...
and ethel needs to get laid.
j.