too many words, but good words.

we're about to get personal. brace yourself.

my sister asked me back in august if she could sponsor me to go on something called A Walk to Emmaus.
like you, i had never heard of such a thing before.
all i knew was that it was a Christian retreat in which you have to be sponsored to go on. your sponsor is someone who has been on the walk before and takes care of everything you need for the weekend.
my sister wanted to be my sponsor.
she said that it was life changing. a blessing. something every individual should do once in their life- and you only do it once, that's it.
it's a weekend away from the world to experience God first hand. to be alone, completely, with Him all weekend.

okay so you're not technically all alone.

you're surrounded by other women the whole weekend...
however, you are disconnected from any concept of time and from everyone else you normally communicate with.
no watches. no cell phones. no internet. nothing.

of course my mind was reeling trying to figure out what exactly this weekend would be about and if i was ready for something like this.

well the time came to go and my spot was somehow taken only days before i was supposed to leave back in august. because of this my turn to go on the walk was re-scheduled for november 9-11.
this upcoming weekend.
and i don't know why but i have been having severe anxiety over whether or not i should go.

i've been trying to decide if this is what i need to do. if this is the right time for me to go. if i can handle being away from everyone, and everything, for a whole weekend. if it's even something i think i can handle at this point in my life.
you're probably thinking "what a pansy." but honestly... it's not easy thinking about disconnecting from everything for almost 4 days. especially not when you are so used to constant company and ridiculous technology at arm's reach.

you see, i have never been okay with being away from home. i was the kid at summer camp bawling her eyes out on the first night because she was homesick and having momma pick her up by day 2.

i realize i'm 25. i've lived on my own for years now. yada yada yada... but i've never been somewhere where i don't know anyone and i have most certainly never been anywhere that i cannot have my cell phone on me. my phone is my constant comfort. it keeps my mind going. keeps me from over thinking. keeps me occupied. in short... it keeps me from having straight up anxiety attacks on the regular. i hate the thought of not being able to check my phone. i hate the thought of not being able to communicate with friends or family (at all).
i hate it. i just hate it.

so i've been praying about whether or not i should go. whether or not i can handle it. and whether or not it is the right time for me to go.
i posted this picture on this ol blog courtesy of pinterest on friday...

which led me to THIS website called she has worth.
let me just tell you- it is absolutely amazing and i encourage every woman out there to check it out.
it is life changing. 

and then... it was like God answered my prayers. he led me to THIS article on she has worth and i was literally brought to tears.
please go read it. it is amazing.
how do i know i was meant to find it? because of this...
"Your life will seem so much less chaotic when you take the time to commune with The One who created your life. Let Him lavish His love upon you, guide you, and heal you during those quiet moments. Bask in His Presence and let all the other worries, concerns, and voices fade away."
how perfect is that? seriously... how PERFECT? the timing, the message, everything...
it could not have related to my current situation more perfectly.
and it proved to me more than ever that God is listening. God is present. and God will lead me where i'm supposed to go at all times.

and i AM going on to a walk to emmaus this weekend. no phone, no internet, no outside communication. just ME and GOD.
wish me luck!!
xoxo.