Dear VMAs.

i feel like i should share a few of my thoughts on the VMAs last night... because that was honestly the first time since i hit puberty that i watched them, and not just youtubed videos of the performances. however, today is also friday and that means we need to hop on over to ashley's amazing blog and link up for some letters as well. why not combine the two shall we?

dear drake- 

i have to admit, you're looking pretty good these days. and the fact that you are all buddy buddy with my homie lil wayne just makes me like you even more. because let's be honest- lil wayne is the ish. but drake, let me just ask you one question... how in the hell did you go from jimmy in degrassi back when i was in middle school...

via.

to this...

via.

kudos to you my friend. you've done well.

dear one direction- 

you made me long for the days of being 15 and falling in love with the backstreet boys all over again. however, did anyone else feel like they were just watching a bunch of little jef holms running around stage? it creeped me out a little. but then again i liked it.

dear miley cyrus- 

YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!!! haha jk, i couldn't help thinking of Maury every time i said this to myself... but seriously, YOU ARE NOT PINK. just because you announce her performance does not mean you can look like her. get over it.

via.

dear taylor swift-

this was not, i repeat not, nickelodeon's kid's choice awards. so why did i feel like i was watching a cartoon while you were performing the closing act? ugh, i just cannot accept you anymore. although, i will say you are looking better these days with a little meat on your thighs.

dear vinny-

really? i mean... really??? i swear i didn't even recognize you. has the jersey shore disowned you or something because this is not right.

via.

dear nicki minaj- 

seriously, an earthquake occurs in LA the day after your ass steps on stage at the VMAs? was this just a coincidence? i think not, people. i. think. not.

there you have it.

what were your thoughts on these ol video music awards?

have an amazing weekend babies!!

i wanna talk about me, toby keith.

how about we play a little game of getting to know each other. i'll go first. because we all know i just love to talk about myself ;) haha, kidding. sort of.
i know i've done something similar to this before, but here we go again.

if you really knew me...

-you'd know not to leave your camera unattended in my presence. because one of the above gems may or may not show up on your sd card.
 

-you'd know that i get cranky if i don't have lotion on my hands or chapstick on my lips at all times. i'm serious- i refuse to wash my hands if i don't have lotion to put on right after. and if i make the mistake of washing them without lotion, i will sit on my hands until they don't have that dry feeling anymore. weird? i know. and yes i use hand sani if i don't wash my hands, you germ freaks.

-you'd know that i almost broke my nose sleep walking. true story.

- you'd know that my momma raised my sister and i as a single mom until i was 9. best days of my life, people. there was nothing better than snuggling up every night in bed just the 3 of us and falling asleep to my mom telling us the three little bears. you'd also know that i love my stepdaddy (most amazing man in the world) more than anything, but i wouldn't trade the first 9 years of my life for the world.

-you'd know that when i drink i sometimes think i'm a rapper... ok, so maybe it's every time i drink. and you'd also know that vodkie tonics or any and all beer is what you will find me drinking. 

or wine, love me some wine.

-you'd know that i cry about almost everything. when i'm happy, when i'm sad, when i'm overwhelmed... everything. and i always feel ten times better after i let it all out.

-you'd know that i hate panties.

-you'd know that i am a delta zeta alumna and still bleed that pink and green. one of the best decisions of my life right there.

-you'd know that i absolutely cannot take a picture without my hand on my hip. i blame the sorority for this one. i'm made fun of for it all of the dang time. so i've just learned to embrace it- it's my signature pose... deal with it.

i rest my case.

-you'd know that i almost always have my nails painted. and then i almost always pick it off.

-you'd know that i have a best friend named matt melvin. and i have more guy friends than girl friends- less drama fo yo momma. him and i get into a lot of trouble. and i mean a lot. we also tell everyone that we meet that we are cousins, and it works...
check out that hand on hip action as well. besties.

-you'd know that i have been to more weddings in just this year than i have been in my entire life. because of this, i have discovered that i am a huge fan of photo booths- so keep that in mind if you want me at your hitching.

anything you want to know? ask away!!

gummies for breakfast and jenna marbles.

apparently this morning while my alarm was going off i decided to bury my phone underneath all of my pillows. i guess i was attempting to smother the noise coming out of it? who knows, i'm weird. but it's a good side note that you shouldn't try to wake me up because i might try to smother you. awkward.

naturally i had no idea i was doing this until i woke up and frantically searched for my phone to check the time. it read 7:36am... i leave my house at 7:45am to make it to work.

holy shiz balls. i was running late.

but i made it to work on time. huzzaahhhhh, i sure did.

even though i put my contacts in and did my makeup at my desk.

oh and my breakfast consisted of rice cakes and gummy bears.

it's okay though, because i made it.

super proud.

anywho...

please tell me that you all have heard of the infamous jenna marbles.  

if you haven't then i'm just going to go ahead and assume that either you live under a rock, or you have no sense of humor.

i kid, i kid, people.

but seriously, she's balls to the wall hilarious and you should probably check out her blog and/or youtube channel right now. she puts up a new video every week.

here are a few of the ones that have me peeing on myself from laughing so hard.

okay, so not really peeing but you get the point.

i hope you all have the side stitches that i do from laughing so hard.

happy humps.

labor.

sheewwwieeee what a weekend!! and a long weekend at that!
thank God today is tuesday, and not really monday, although it feels like monday.
i hope you all had a great labor day and nobody had to actually labor... or was in labor for that matter. because giving birth (on any day really), would suck.
so let's just be happy that nobody was in labor over the weekend, and if you were- i hope it went smoothly. i don't know why i'm stuck on the topic of giving birth right now, but i am.
...moving on.

my weekend was a great one. lots of good stuff going on. not a lot of pictures to share. but let's just say that a little bit of everything took place.

friday i ended up back in my college town for a reunion with good friends.

so naturally saturday was spent being lazy and watching hatfields and mccoys, which by the way, if you have not seen the 3 episode movie/show/neverendingdrama you should probably find a way to see them. they are pretty awesome.

and i got to spend a lot of time with these babies at my friend tiff's house.

that would be prime and mega (the great danes) and then riley (the boxer). i am absolutely obsessed with these dogs, especially prime and mega. these two are incredible to say the least. because you see, mega (the white one) is actually blind and deaf, and so he relies solely on the help of his brother prime to get him around. it is quite a site to see! and as long as you don't mind 200lbs of slobbery mini horses then you will love them just as much!!

monday was spent with no labor involved what. so. ever. i did make it over to my friend heathers though and got to play with her sweet little boy nash.

all in all, great times.

now go link up with miss sami and the rest of the gals and fill us in on your no labor weekend!

toodles.

a blonde's confessions.

and these are my confessions...

(yes, like the usher song.) you know you're singing it too. and you know you want to lick his body just as much as i do... or do you?

ugh, anyways... with the beautiful, and blonde (duh), leslie at a blonde ambition - we love her just fyi.

i confess...

that i didn't watch a single second of shark week, nor do i care. i am already a freak about the ocean so the last thing you want is me watching an entire week of man eaters swimming around.

that i am beyond excited for halloween!! i love dressing up and i'm pretty obsessed with finding a costume for this year. no, i don't know my halloween plans yet, but that will come later. 

the outfit first!!
maybe an owl, maybe a taco bell sauce, maybe hello kitty, maybe a box of wine, maybe a mustache, maybe a piece of sushi. who knows. the opportunities are endless!!

that i left my hibachi leftovers in my car last night after our jap outing and i seriously thought i might cry this morning... anddd i'm still considering eating it anyways for lunch. that shrimp sauce is crack in a bottle, ya'll. for real. so if i die of food poisoning you will know why.
but in real life- could i die?
i probably shouldn't eat it- should i?

the main reason i want fall to get here so badly is for the fashion... or lack there of to be quite honest. because let's get real here- we all love throwing on a pair of leggings, tall socks, boots, a sweater, and a scarf... and calling it a day. by far my favorite (and coziest) thing to wear.

that i have a 3 day weekend. na na na na boooo booo!!! 

hi i'm 5.

it's okay boo boo.

well honey boo boo did it again.

she somehow managed to have my jaw nailed to the floor in shock, while having to remind myself to breathe in between laughter. seriously this kid and her family is redneckulous.

yes honey boo boo said that her stomach pains were just gas from all the chicken nuggets. and we can't forget about the water park... mama honey boo boo almost got stuck in a tube, she showed her fork lift foot, and went down a water slide causing a legit tidal wave- her kids then had to pull the tube off of her after the lazy river because it got stuck on the woman's 300lb body. no lie. i died. 

sister's family is funny, redneck and trashy as hell, but funny.

go watch it now. you can thank me later.

moving on to thursday.

in which tomorrow is friday. hallejuerrrrrr!!! so ready. so so ready.

  it's okayyyy....

 that i can't stop watching ridiculous tv shows like the one talked about above. 

just. can't. help. myself.

that if ryan lochte is legit chosen as the next bachelor i may or may not have a heart attack and might even consider applying for the show. i mean holla fo a dolla, seck-say swimmer in the house!!! i mean, shit. this could be trouble.

that my 25th birthday is coming up in october and i've already planned multiple weekends of celebrations. birthdays are supposed to last the whole month, aren't they?

to be excited about football season only for the tailgating, beer, and boys. no other reasons really. mainly because i don't know jack about the actual sport.

that i just noticed the other day that the hanging flowers on our porch haven't been watered in oh, 2-3 weeks, and are surprisingly still alive. go us!!! maybe my home isn't a place plants come to die after all.

hump day and nothing truly important.

my sleeping habits have seriously got to get themselves under control.

they be actin all cray cray up in here lately.

i'm kind of hoping that instead of sleep walking and talking i am somehow going to start sleep exercising. i mean really though, how perfect would that be?

kind of like that woman they caught sleep swimming. 

although with my luck i would end up sleep drowning instead.

but i guess as long as i'm not sleep eating i really can't complain. the mental image of me sitting in front of my fridge at 3am stuffing my face is pretty amusing though. i would hope my roommate would be able to get a picture if that ever happens.

why am i talking about sleeping (again)? probably because i didn't get any last night (sleep people, get your head outta the gutter) because my sub conscious was being rude and i kept waking up thinking i was talking about blog designs- maybe i was, maybe i wasn't. never can tell.

which is why i have already taken 2 power naps at my desk this morning and plan to spend my afternoon break doing the same thing.

 

i digress...

it's wednesday. hump a hump hump day. so naturally i'm going crazy trying to make it to the weekend. my 3 day weekend to be exact. the one in which i have no plans what so ever and i am looking forward to it more than i'm looking forward to miley cyrus getting a weave. but seriously, i would like to know what liam has to say about this. i mean come on, not everyone gets engaged to a miley and ends up with a draco malfoy.

have you ever wondered what it would be like to be an actor? i do, all of the time. i feel like i am always judging the people in movies and tv shows and thinking to myself  

what do they have that i don't? what makes them so damn special? they look just like any other normal person in the world. and seriously, i'm prettier than her.  

haha okay, totally kidding about that last one.... but not really.  

i sometimes wish i would have been born a midget. i feel like i would have had a better chance at getting on the big screen. think about it- you don't see a big variety in midget stars, so any time a midget was needed for a movie- BOOM. role landed. 

in any event, i am glad i did not turn out to be a midget. nothing against midgets or anything but i don't know that i would want ludacris singing about me.

"watch out for the medallion my diamonds are reckless.

feels like i got a midget hanging from my necklace."

you remember the song, i know you do.

and if you don't... youtube stand up by luda.

anyways,

you're welcome for this post. i hope you got a lot out of it.